In this post, I'll share a short and simple technique to center ourselves in moments of strong emotion.
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The Background Story
I have started to have a fear of turbulence while flying.
My response: WTF?!
I’ve been flying most of my life without incident, and I even used to consider turbulence to be the “fun” part of flying while the still, calm movement of a plane was boring haha.
But I’ve noticed in the last couple of years part of my body-mind has started to believe major turbulence means something is terribly wrong and that the plane is going to drop out of the sky.
The only potential cause I can think of is a vivid dream I had a couple years back.
Of course rationally I know the stats on flying and how turbulence only means temporary discomfort, etc, etc.
But fear isn’t rational, folks!
And however this fear has become a thing, it has.
Importantly, I realize that by believing I have this fear I continue to ingrain it and increase the possibility that I will have the fear next time because I expect to—isn’t the mind fascinating!
So I’m working at that level too: looking at word choice, belief, and what’s called anticipatory anxiety.
And it’s important to be able to help myself in the moment too, which is what I'm sharing about in this post. :)
The Technique
As an avid student of the body-mind, I have (perhaps not super excitedly) welcomed another of life’s cute little discomforts to become an experimental vessel and explore different strategies for working with this new fear.
(Chemical induced ones have remained a backup but I haven’t relied on those yet haha.)
The winning combination of mantra and physical practice that I’ve found helpful for me...
Saying internally: I can be with these sensations. I can be with these thoughts.
Then, I relax my body as much as possible.
That’s it.
Simple enough, hey!
After practicing the mantra above for awhile that specifically refers to thoughts and sensations (I think it's helpful to point to those separately to build some awareness of what those are), I sometimes use more simply:
I can be with this.
What It Helps With
You might be thinking,...Thanks, but what do I care, Monica? I'm not afraid of flying!
First of all, that's great for you. ;P
Second of all, this practice can be highly useful in non-turbulence moments too!
Whether feeling any strong emotion (emotions are sensations with associated meaning and/or thoughts) like when a wound is triggered or during a spiral of unhelpful thoughts, this combo of thoughts and a physical action can help create space to make a different choice and to use further techniques as needed.
Why It's Effective
1. I can practice it without anyone knowing.
2. It’s simple enough to be memorable in hard moments.
3. It separates me from the sensations and thoughts.
When I’m fully “hooked” by fearful thoughts and sensations I don’t see them as separate from me or something to be questioned, but instead as though they are the full truth. This can make it harder to see a solution, way out, or another way to be other than however I’m conditioned to react to those sensations and thoughts.
4. It helps build the capacity to process strong emotions.
A large cause of human suffering is uncomfortable emotions, which are essentially a combination of thoughts and sensations (so I will use "thoughts and sensations" interchangeably with "emotions" in this post. Thoughts alone can be annoying or tough, but without a felt, embodied effect of the thought, which is the associated emotion, they are usually more manageable and less affecting. Sensations alone can be tough, like if we injure ourselves, but it's often actually the associated meaning we give to the sensations leading to an uncomfortable emotion that is where the suffering lies.
When we learn to be with uncomfortable emotions we don't suffer from them as much and we can reduce any unhealthy behaviors we use to avoid them.
This mantra reminds me that while emotions can feel incredibly powerful and motivate me to action (they are sometimes called "energy in motion"), they are just combinations of thought and sensation and remembering that gives me more capacity to work with them in a helpful way. So if you've every heard "you need to feel your feelings", this practice is a good way to start being able to process uncomfortable emotions.
5. It orients to awareness.
These few simple words start to place my identity into consciousness as opposed to the contents of conscious—which is one of the primary ways that yoga and mindfulness techniques help us reduce suffering (and it's sort of the point of those things that may even eventually change our whole lives—woah!) As consciousness itself, I can begin to see my contents of consciousness more clearly and gain self awareness around patterns of thoughts and sensations.*
*Note: This practice does not actually mean having to sustain an inner focus on thoughts and sensations. It's more about creating awareness that thoughts and sensations might be hijacking us and creating space from them. It depends on the individual, but after using this as a pattern interrupt it can sometimes be more helpful to move the attention away from inner experiences and towards the external environment, for example, through connecting with the 5 senses and information from the surroundings.
6. It’s a pattern interrupt.
This practice can break the body-mind feedback loop. Here’s an over-simplified example of how this can work…let’s say this turbulence fear starts at the level of the body due to a conditioned physiological response. My body receives the stimulus of sensations of turbulence and responds with physiological actions of fear such as an elevated heart and breathing rate, shallowness of breath, tension in the chest and stomach. My mind picks up on these sensations and perceives them as indications that I SHOULD be afraid. At the mental level, I might then start looking for signs of danger in my environment and thinking fearful thoughts. These mental responses feed-back to the physical body that I SHOULD be afraid and the physical actions of fear are continued or escalated…which continues the loop (that can “start” also with the mind). Doing this practice helps interrupt that feedback loop so I can open to another option of how to be.
Image from Sequencewiz.org
7. It works at the level of both body and mind.
Since most suffering lies in the realm of thoughts and sensations (with emotions as sort of a combo of the two), this practice works with both. Interrupting patterns at both levels can be more (and/or more quickly) impactful than creating change at one alone.
8. It helps disengage the limbic system.
The limbic system is sometimes thought of as the primitive part of the brain whose function is largely associated with survival. It acts more quickly and impulsively, motivating us to move away from danger and includes the amygdala that has a large role in fear, anger, and the fight or flight system...and it's part of the brain that often "hijacks" us during strong emotions. This is contrasted with the later evolved more "advanced" pre-frontal cortex that is more slow, logical, and analytical, and that can plan and exhibit self-control.
This practice helps disengage the limbic system and engage the pre-frontal cortex. It reminds our higher reasoning that sensations and thoughts, while they comprise a large part of lived experience, are just information plus interpretation about what’s going on. They aren’t fully accurate representations of what’s happening or indications of the best action to take. Now that the pre-frontal cortex is engaged, I can perceive the nuance of the situation and rationally investigate whether there’s real danger I need to act on.
9. It communicates it will pass.
Implicit in the languaging of these statements is the fact that these sensations and thoughts will, in fact, pass. Reminding myself of the temporary nature of the experience subtly shifts my focus into the future, where my system is resourced by the imagined and most likely future scenario where the thoughts and sensations have passed and I am just fine and on the other side of them.
10. It’s empowering.
This mantra helps me be my own cheerleader as it reminds me these are JUST thoughts and sensations and I CAN be with them. They won’t kill me, no matter what it may seem like in the moment.
How To Practice
Formal practices while we're in a more chill and safe space and not in moments of stress are where it's at.
Otherwise, it's kind of like a professional soccer player not practicing and then showing up for a World Cup game thinking they're going to nail their performance under high pressure...it probably just ain't gonna happen.
Here's how to practice this before you might need it in a challenging moment...
What To Do
Set your timer for 90 seconds (the length of time the chemical response of an emotion lasts in the body without being re-triggered by thought according to Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor).
Bring to mind a situation that has activated some uncomfortable and/or unhelpful thoughts and sensations. Make this situation a 4-out-of-10 or less in intensity.
Wait a few moments until you notice a mental, physical, and/or emotional response.
Repeat the mantra and physical practice at intervals that feel right for the remainder of the 90 seconds.
Insert another practice as needed. Helpful ones are focusing externally on the information from your 5 senses and lengthening your exhale to 3+ times the length of your inhale. (Get in touch for more suggestions!)
At the end of 90 seconds, take some deeper breaths, sigh out of the mouth, and/or use the hands to place pressure onto and squeeze the thighs and upper arms to help you ground and transition back into your day.
Give it a try and let me know if it serves you!
Happy practicing and much love.
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